


The Beginning of the End

by alstat



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Kabby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-22 03:57:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12472952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alstat/pseuds/alstat
Summary: Abby's perspective on what caused her and Jake's relationship to end, and her new relationship with Marcus.





	1. The Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fic I have spent the last couple of months contemplating if I was going to post or not. 
> 
> I decided to make Abby seem pessimistic in this fic because of how she seemed to become hopeless by the end of season 4.
> 
> This story is an AU, which may make Abby seem like the antagonist, but I wrote this right after I wrote the fic where Jake was cheating on Abby so I thought this would be a way to make 2 fics on the same general concept, but make each story "blame" either Abby or Jake. 
> 
> I love Abby as a character, which also made me wonder if I should post this since I didn't want this to be read and interpreted as an Abby hatred fic.

                I am known as Abby Griffin, Head of Medical. I live in the town of Arkadia, where I take my job nearly as seriously as protecting my daughter. We’ll get to my daughter in a minute, first we must address the reasoning behind this story. As a doctor, I save lives. Stitch people back up. Also I fix broken bones...among other things. As I previously stated, I take my job very seriously; Except when I broke the heart of a man who deserved no pain. Especially not pain from me. You see, this man was not only my husband, he was a father. He was a son. He was a friend. He was an inspiration to many in our town. I know you are wondering why I; the Head of Medical could break somebody when all I do in my profession is save people. The why is unimportant. What is important? The how.

  
               The mistake people make is thinking doctors are always in the do no harm mentality. The mistake is when others assume the stress of the job does not affect us. The problem is when our exhaustion is too severe that we cannot think straight and can barely make the drive home without falling asleep after a long shift. The older I get, I learn that the mistakes don’t matter. The end result is what matters. Mistakes are just ways to excuse yourself in the eyes of others. Let it be known, I should not easily be forgiven.

  
                What could I have done to not deserve forgiveness? I used the love of one man against him in the quest of getting something I demanded more… The love of another man. I am not one to side with the cheater in situations, but I was the cheater in this situation. Am I proud of the means to which I got what I wanted? No. Do I feel happier now than I did before? Sometimes. Do I understand why some people cheat? I guess now I do. I still do not think cheating should be excused, but I’ve never been one to follow the rules. I like to think that if I break a rule to make others happy, or to keep others alive, isn’t that what matters? Is it okay if I hurt one person if two are saved? I suppose it is morally acceptable depending on the situation. This was indeed not one of those situations.

  
                 I’ve heard people say you lose your innocence when you experience the loss of someone close to you. I don’t think that is when you fully lose it. You fully lose it when you hand your emotions and give yourself fully to the first person you love. Jake was the first person I loved. I thought he would be the only man I loved in that way. I gave Jake everything. I was a good wife. I worked, I cleaned, I helped Jake, I gave Jake a child. It just so happened, when I met the other man named Marcus, I found myself finding more to give to him than I ever had been able to give to Jake. It was like an entire new part of me opened up when I saw Marcus. That is the moment I realized this was going to go one of two ways. Bad, or really bad. Love is an interesting concept. I did and still do love Jake. Some of my happiest moments were with him. The thing with love is that no matter how hard we try to protect the ones we love, we can end up causing some type of damage and harm. My damage just happened to be worse to the man I love than others damages are. Sometimes love causes us to act differently and do things no one, not even ourselves would imagine. Part of the problem was that some of my worst moments were also with Jake. It was easier to excuse my actions when I was thinking about the bad memories. That’s the thing about being married for that many years. You get every aspect of a person. Sometimes certain traits just take longer to show than others. He saw my compassion, humor, devotion, intelligence, ambition, and hope. What Jake didn’t notice was that was hope was increasing and why my hope was getting stronger even when we were fighting more. I wonder about if Jake would have seen the change, could he have saved himself? Would he even have saved himself? I suppose those questions are unimportant now. The damage is already done.

  
              I still think about Jake. I remember the first night we kissed, when we got married, and the night Clarke was born. But now, I also remember the way his entire body shattered when he found out about me and Marcus. The day I had to explain to Clarke why she would be staying with me and Marcus, a man she didn’t like. I vividly remember when Clarke got older and realized what had actually caused the divorce. Clarke still doesn’t talk to me nearly as much as she used to. I can see why, I am the bad parent in her eyes. I am the bad parent in everyone’s eyes, even my own. I broke up her family, I caused her to have to move houses. That is the only reason I regret leaving Jake. Clarke has; and always will be the center of my life. Like I stated before, love can make you do unthinkable things. I still wonder how I allowed myself to put me above her. I spent my whole life making sure she always had what she wanted and was happy. Then in the matter of six months, I had ruined all of that. I hope that with my perspective written into this book, that maybe one day Clarke can read it and understand how it happened. Not why, because there is no definite why. The only thing I can describe is the how it happened.


	2. Every Story Has a Start

        To understand the how, I suppose that the beginning of my relationship with Jake should be explained. Jake and I were in the same classes in school. This meant that we saw each other relatively often. It is hard to not become familiar with people in your classes since we lived in a small town. It wasn’t like New York where you could just keep walking and walking and eventually you would be away from people. So back to Jake; in our classes, we sat near each other and that caused us to talk and become friends. Jake and I would do everything together. When it became time for the yearly dance when I was 17, Jake asked me. This was not unusual considering that we went together every year. This year was different though, Jake didn’t just mean as friends. I figured since I loved him as a friend and always wanted to be around him, that I could become his girlfriend. We were already in love and determined to be married to each other after six months. That was when I turned 18. The wedding wasn’t large but our family and friends were there, which I believe is better than a large wedding.

          Once we were officially married, it didn’t take long to find out that Clarke was on the way. I was excited to be able to create a life and experience what other woman had. I knew what would happen and when, but Jake had no idea. That was my favorite part of my pregnancy. He was at all my appointments, and we cried together at the first ultrasound, and every one after that. Watching Jake’s eyes grow wide in amusement when Clarke kicked for the first time melted my heart. I thought I could never love someone to the extent that I loved Jake, but the second the nurse gave me Clarke to hold, I knew nothing would compete with my love for her. She was the greatest gift in Jake’s life and my life. This was a reminder of our love and how we came together to create this live being. Clarke’s birth had caused me to take 8 weeks off work to care for her as a newborn. I loved the 8 weeks where I could spend all day playing with Clarke and tending to her needs. I almost couldn’t go back to my job because I knew it would be hard to stay away from Clarke from that long at a time. I eased my way back into the full shifts, by first doing 4 hour shifts, then 8, then 12, and finally the full 24 hour shifts. Going back to my job reminded me of how much I enjoyed being a doctor. Going back to my job also reminded me of how many ways Clarke could get hurt as she grew up. 

         I was lucky enough to have a husband that was always willing to help Clarke and take care of her when I was too tired, or when I needed to take a shower. Jake and I had a better relationship because of her and our love for her. We would spend hours playing with her and seeing what parts of her face and personality she got from either of us. Early on, it was obvious that she had gotten my stubbornness, my and my lips. Clarke had Jake’s eyes, and cheeks. 

       I would say that our marriage was great until Clarke was about 10 or 11 and I had been appointed to the city Council. The job on the Council and being a doctor had caused me to become overworked and stressed, but I didn’t mind because whatever needed to be done to ensure the peace and happiness in our town, I would willingly do. Although being a doctor was my primary concern, I still attended the Council meetings regularly. With Jake already being on the Council that would mean that at any given point, we would have to stop playing with Clarke to go to a meeting. I found myself being annoyed with Jake for both of us being on the Council instead of us being with Clarke. He agreed, but we were both necessary to the Council since I knew the health of our people, and he was the Head of Engineering, so he knew the health of our town. The less and less we spent with Clarke caused me to argue more with him since I didn’t see her as often and he reminded me of her. 


	3. The Beginning of "Kabby"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does Marcus play into this? Why did Abby decide to be with Marcus? The story starts here.

    During this time on the Council, members had been elected, kicked off, and others elected. One person who was always there was Marcus. There was something about him that made me lash out more than I ever had. It seemed like he didn’t care about survival, he just cared about the power. He had no hope. He said I had too much hope. 

      Jake had recently been kicked off the Council because apparently Jake had found an issue and wanted to publicly share it. This could not be shared, so they decided that Jake should not be on the Council. It was better for us anyway because one of us would be with Clarke more. Jake and I started to go back to our strong relationship, but it never fully went back to before, maybe that is why this situation was easier for me to do since our marriage wasn’t as strong as before. 

     Once Jake wasn’t on the Council, Marcus challenged even more of my ideas since he knew I didn’t have the automatic support of Jake. Everything about this man infuriated me, but I was drawn to him at the same time. I wanted to kill him, but I also wanted him to push me against the wall and fuck me. I had never felt wanted anyone to fuck me besides Jake, so I was in new territory. At first, I knew that couldn’t happen because I am a married woman with a child. Not to mention I am on the Council. Even with all the  reasons why I shouldn’t, the thought never left my mind during Council meetings. 

      I knew I hated Marcus with his all black attire and his slicked back hair. I had a feeling that Marcus hated me too. He knew I would get angry when he challenged me and gave ridiculous counter arguments. The worst part was that damn smirk. I knew he did it to annoy me and show he was winning. I would have done anything to get him kicked off the Council, or to get him to at least kick back for once. He was always so serious and uptight. I knew he had a sexual arrangement with Callie my best friend, so a lack of sex wasn’t the problem. I found myself for some reason wanting to find out more about the man that is Marcus Kane. 

       I couldn’t ask Callie because she would think something was up between us, and that was far from the truth. I also did not want to have a conversation like that with the man she was currently fucking every other night. It didn’t seem like my place to ask her or to find out personal things about him. That didn’t keep me from wanting to know more, that just kept me from being stupid in how I found out more. It wasn’t difficult to start going to the local church where his mother prayed and spoke at. You could be in there for 10 minutes and hear more stories about Marcus than you had ever heard before. 

       Jake began wondering why I was randomly deciding to go to the church every day that I had only been to once in my entire life, and that was our wedding day. I admit it was suspicious, but I didn’t even like Marcus as this time. Well I didn’t know that I did. I invited Jake to the church with me since I was really doing nothing wrong and he would think I was going for the message, not to hear about my co-counselor. This seemed to be enough evidence for Jake that nothing was going on and he dropped it but decided that he would stay home instead and watch Clarke. When I was sitting in the church, I never thought about our wedding day, I instead thought about what I would hear about Marcus. I told myself that I wanted to know so I could use it against him, but I never used the stories against him and I realized that I had become devoted to knowing more about him. This was another sign that this was going to be a bad idea. 

          I did not love Marcus yet, or feel an extreme attraction to him. I was just genuinely interested in learning more about this man who was so closed off and his mom told stories about how he used to be outgoing and laugh all the time. I couldn’t figure out what had caused his demeanor to completely change and turn him into this cold man he had become. It seemed like a question that could never have one definite answer, but I needed to know what caused it. A man does not make this complete change without a significant reason behind it. Had he broken his heart? Had a family member died? Had someone been mean to him? Was the guard really this important to him? Every time I thought about what could have caused it, I had more questions with no answers. This began to infuriate me but I definitely could not ask. No. Marcus Kane could never know that I cared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter and I hope you enjoyed this fic!


	4. Jake and Marcus

         During this time, Jake had become friends with Marcus since we were all on the Council together. Jake couldn’t figure out why Marcus and I couldn’t get along since we were both stubborn and had alike personalities. There was no way that I, Abby Griffin, was anything like Marcus Kane. I wasn’t cold or heartless. I showed emotion. I began to worry that maybe Jake was noticing a change since I wasn’t around him as often and it was only when Clarke was around. That thought left my mind quickly since Marcus had said something that was so ridiculous that I immediately felt angry and forgot about what Jake might think about my lack of affection.

  
          Marcus was coming over more and more which was definitely not helping me when I was trying to avoid him and get rid of whatever these feelings were toward him. If Marcus wasn’t in my home with Jake, he was coming into medical for an injury him or someone else got during training. If he wasn’t in medical, he was training the guards or patrolling right outside the medical window. Had Jake sent him to spy on me? Had Marcus changed his schedule and route to always be around me? There was no way that Marcus would go through all of that trouble. Especially not for me. We hated each other. I finally decided that I would just ask Callie because she should know more than most people since I never saw him talk to anyone else unless he was giving guard commands. When I walked into Callie’s room she was crying, and she usually never cried. Her reasoning was that she wanted more with Marcus but Marcus said no because he was busy with something else at the time. What could that something else had been? He was sleeping with Callie before when he was in the Council or working the guard. Now was not the time to ask Callie personal questions about Marcus but I was still determined to figure out what caused him to be closed off. 

            When I got back from Callie’s and went to play with Clarke, I noticed that Kane and Jake had been drinking because there were bottles laying around. Clarke was with Wells so I couldn’t blame Jake for drinking now that Clarke wasn’t there. I grabbed a bottle from the fridge and decided I would relax as well.


	5. Marcus and I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't post yesterday, and chapter 4 was really short, so I hope this extra update helps make up for that!

             I was feeling calm already after the first bottle but decided to get another one while the tv was on a commercial. Apparently opening the fridge caused Marcus to wake up because he came out of our extra bedroom and walked directly to me. I first realized that he was really drunk, then I realized the he was extremely close to me and wasn’t stopping. Usually I would be uncomfortable with anyone else doing this, but with Marcus it felt natural and normal. Maybe it was the drinks or maybe I did in fact want something with him. I watched his eyes travel down my body and stop at my lips for an excessive amount of time. I could tell he wanted to kiss me but was still wondering if it was okay to do it since I was married to his best friend. After about a minute, he huffed in annoyance and went to turn around. I had spent the last minute hoping he would just let his mind let go and decide to go for it, but he didn’t, so I grabbed his forearm to get his attention and when he turned around, I gave him the most passionate kiss I had ever given. I don’t know where that desire came from because I had never been this passionate with Jake. Marcus was clearly surprised by my straightforward behavior, but he immediately opened parted his lips in an attempt to deepen the kiss. He did not have to ask because I was more than willing to deepen it. I should have felt bad for kissing a man that was not Jake, but instead I felt alive and I felt a desire grow between my legs that I had never felt this strong before.

  
           While this kiss was going on, I had no idea where Jake was, but Marcus must have sensed my worry because he broke the kiss to inform me that Jake was sleeping in his room. I took that as being good enough and decided to move us toward the couch with my arms around his shoulders. He understood what I wanted to do and grabbed my waist to get me to wrap my legs around him. I thought he would take me to the guest bedroom, or at least the couch, but he decided he couldn’t make it that far. Before I knew what was happening, my back was up against the wall and my back hit against a picture frame of my family that fell to the floor. I didn’t look at the picture because I knew it would make me stop what I was doing and I definitely did not want to stop this.

  
         I teased Marcus by slowly rubbing my hips against his and when I felt the hardness through his jeans, I could tell why he couldn’t make it to the couch. I wanted this to last long, but I also knew I wanted this to happen now. I slowly moved my hands to pull down his zipper and take off his pants. He stopped me while unbuttoning his pants and I thought he was second guessing. He was not second guessing, instead he wanted to pleasure me first. I put my hands back on his shoulders while he moved his hands to the hem of my shirt to take it off. When my shirt and bra was off, all he could do is stare at my breasts which made me feel desired and I had never seen Jake look that hungry while looking at me. I pushed my chest closer against his and he groaned. While he groaned, he moved his mouth down my throat making sure to leave marks that would remind me who had been there. He took a nipple in his mouth and the pressure of his beard was a feeling of pleasure unlike I had ever felt before. I almost came just from that feeling, but I knew Marcus would want to take this slow in case it was his only opportunity.

  
            I was not in the mood for slow, so I quickly got his pants off and wrapped my hand around his cock that was already fully hard. Marcus got the hint that slow was not going to happen and before I could say anything, he was pushing into me and covering my moans with his mouth. Marcus started slow and I was meeting him thrust for thrust. Between two particularly deep thrusts, I had to tell him “more” and “harder” which he readily complied. I knew Marcus was strong from watching his guard training, but nothing had prepared me for the way he was able to hold me with one arm and plunge into me with his other hand working my breasts. Not long after Marcus started this I was feeling pleasure greater than I had ever felt and was going to go over the top at any moment. He sensed my near orgasmic pleasure and sped up which finally undid me. Immediately after I finished, Marcus was right behind me coming down from his pleasure as well. This was the moment I realized this could not be the only time and Marcus knew that too.


	6. Our (not) So Little Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I update daily" she says as she does not update daily.. Oops?

            After my night with Marcus, I went into my room with Jake and laid down for a little bit before he would wake up for work. Jake asked why I was getting home so late so I replied that medical had an emergency. He wanted to have sex but I  said I was too tired from my shift which he usually understood so he quickly went back to sleep. Sleep was not that easy for me to achieve since I had just had the best sex of my life and it wasn’t with my husband. I knew sex wouldn’t have felt that good if Marcus and I didn’t have some feelings for each other. I could no longer deny that my feelings toward him were serious and not just a “teenage crush”. I feared what would happen tomorrow once Marcus woke up and realized what we had done. It didn’t take long to find out because right as I was drifting off to sleep, I received a text from Marcus that said “I can’t deny that I want you and I know you can’t deny that you want this again. When can we do this where Jake won't find out?”. I was excited to know that Marcus had no regrets, but I realized I was the reason Callie was crying. I was the one that caused Marcus to tell her no. I knew I should feel bad but I was still feeling the pleasure from Marcus’ hands being on me that I couldn’t find myself caring. (Callie’s involvement in the story is not necessary even though she was hurting, but this is the story about the man that I had emotionally destroyed). After staring at my phone smiling for at least 5 minutes, I told Marcus that we could get together again after my shift in medical tomorrow. I knew going behind Jake’s back was wrong, but I knew that I needed to feel Marcus more. What kind of person can lay down beside her loving husband and text with a man who she wants to make love to that isn’t her husband? How can someone live their life without feeling the crushing weight of her conscious? Apparently a person who is just like me. I was well aware of what I was getting myself into. This was not going to be easy. I would have to lie to Jake. I would have to lie to Clarke. I would have to lie to Marcus. I would have to lie to myself. Luckily for me, I’m not too bad of a liar. 

         The next morning I woke up and the other side of the bed was cold. I knew that meant that Jake had been gone for a while. Had he spoken to Marcus? Was he at work? Was Marcus still here? I began to make theories in my head as to where Jake was and if there was anyway to feel Marcus before tonight. It was really pathetic. A woman like me. I was perfectly content in bed with my husband. He was good at sex. I was good at sex. The only difference was with Marcus it felt better. I’m a 40 year old woman who is acting like a 16 year old boy. All of a sudden, my desire for Marcus couldn’t be fulfilled. It wasn’t even the sex that I was wanting. It was the feel of Marcus (of course the feeling of him on top of me and in me were my favorite ways to feel him). That didn’t mean our relationship was just sex. A sex only relationship would have been easy. Putting feelings into this equation was not easy. I couldn’t just stop with Marcus because I began to fall in love, but I couldn’t leave Jake because I was already in love with him. I knew Marcus wasn’t able to just forget either, and Jake was his best friend. The thought of how hard it must have been for Marcus never crossed my mind until now. How could I have been so fucking selfish. I am not a selfish person. Alright, I am  _ usually  _ not a selfish person, but once I got myself into this, there was no way to get out without hurting someone.

 


	7. The Lies Build Up

             I told Jake I would be home by 8:45 tonight, but currently it is 9:50 and I had no plans of leaving Marcus anytime soon. I was in my own world where it was just him and I. Clarke wasn’t there, Jake wasn’t there. No one was there. All the stress I had been holding was gone, and all it took was one look at Marcus. I didn’t understand how one look at a man I just began to love could melt me so quickly with just one look. I had never been looked at like this before, but that still didn’t explain how it made me forget everything. How could one look make me forget my daughter for a few minutes? This man would be the death of me. I knew I needed to get up and get back to Jake before he began to worry and call medical. If he called medical, he would know  I was not home. He would wonder why I wasn’t in medical or at home. 

            When I walked into our house, Clarke was sitting up watching tv next to Jake. I looked at Jake and wondered why Clarke was awake 2 hours after her bedtime. Clarke ran up to me and yelled “Finally you are home. You told me you would listen to my day and how my project went.”. This was not what I needed right now. I needed a cold shower to try to forget the feelings of Marcus on my body. I needed to go to sleep and try to figure out what the fuck I had gotten myself into. I might have been acting selfish, but I was not selfish enough to completely ignore my daughter. I was just selfish enough to lie about where I was at certain times. That’s better than ignoring her. I sat on the couch and Clarke sat directly in my lap. Jake got me a drink and some food then walked away. Apparently this was going to take a while and Jake had already heard it. This even better. I looked at Clarke with a smile and she began telling me about how she got an A on her project and Bellamy had come over to congratulate her and so had all of her other friends. I noticed that she had put Bellamy by himself. Marcus was like a father figure to Bellamy so I could just ask him about it later. (Am I really thinking about Marcus right now instead of my daughter who is clearly excited about today… Well hell, I was excited about today too until about 30 minutes ago, but Clarke nor Jake would find out about that).. Clarke was still rambling on about her day while I was really trying to focus, but nothing was getting Marcus out of my mind. I noticed that Clarke had stopped talking and was looking up at me as if she had asked a question. When I looked at her, she jumped out of my lap and began crying because when you are 6 and you have a story to tell, you need people to listen. Especially your mom. I felt absolutely terrible about causing her to be this upset, but I also was slightly glad that our story time was over. I used to love these story times. I still do. Just not after I have spent the past 2 hours with Marcus. Of course Clarke could never know that. This was the first time I had realized just how bad my situation had gotten that I was able to just block her out. My eyes began to tear up thinking about how I hurt her, and I spent that night questioning if I should continue this arrangement with Marcus. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter of this fic and I hoped you enjoyed it! 
> 
> I also hope that my notes before the fic make more sense as to why I was hesitant to post this. 
> 
> The chapters will come out daily, so chapter 2 will be posted at some point tomorrow.


End file.
